WHO WANTS TO GO HIKING?
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
These curious things
IN CASE YOU DID NOT KNOW, I HAVE LEFT SCHOOL. NOT BECAUSE I DON'T DESERVE TO GO TO CARNEGIE MELLON BUT BECAUSE I CAN NOT PAY FOR CARNEGIE MELLON. MAJOR FAILURE EDUCATION SYSTEM....
MAYBE I WILL DO MY OWN "STUDY ABROAD." EVERY YEAR MOVE TO A NEW PLACE WITH NEW FACES. IF YOU LIKE A PLACE YOU CAN EVEN STAY FOR TWO. OKAY? WHERE IN THE WORLD COULD YOU GO?
TO START OFF WITH:
NEW ORLEANS
SAVANNAH, GEORGIA
MORE TO FOLLOW
WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE?
MAYBE I WILL DO MY OWN "STUDY ABROAD." EVERY YEAR MOVE TO A NEW PLACE WITH NEW FACES. IF YOU LIKE A PLACE YOU CAN EVEN STAY FOR TWO. OKAY? WHERE IN THE WORLD COULD YOU GO?
TO START OFF WITH:
NEW ORLEANS
SAVANNAH, GEORGIA
MORE TO FOLLOW
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
These strange things
I FUCKED FOR THE SECOND TIME. THE TERROR EBBED AS QUICKLY AS THE EVENT. SOMETHING ABOUT IT CHANGED ME THOUGH. I FEEL WANTED.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
These small things
WHAT SHE WILL MISS:
THE YELLOW LIGHT IN HIS SHOWER
KISSING HIS NECK
DARK SULTRY EYES
"COME OVER AND KISS ME..."
BEING COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE
A FEW MOONS BACK A WOMAN FELL HEAD OVER HEELS FOR A MAN. HE ASKED HER TO RUN AROUND IN THE WOODS WITH HIM. LITTLE DID SHE KNOW THAT HE WAS WORRIED SHE WOULD SAY NO TO HIM. AFTER WEEKS OF HIM ASKING SHE FINALLY WENT. SHE HAD BEEN IN A DIFFERENT WORLD AND APPREHENSIVE TO GO. SHE HAS SHOTTY NERVES. THEY HIKED. THEY SMOKED. HE TAUGHT HER ABOUT THE PATTERN OF THE WORLD. SHE FELT COMPLETELY AWAKE AND ALIVE WITH HIM. THEY WALKED AWAY FROM THE PARK AND SHE WORRIED THAT SHE HAD BORED HIM. THIS WOULD BE THE END OF THEIR NIGHT.......
A LOOMING PILLAR. THE NEXT PLACE HE BROUGHT HER. A CATHEDRAL WITH HIGH DARK CEILINGS AND THRONES. HE OFFERED TO TAKE HER PHOTOGRAPH. HER SMILE WAS REAL. THEY MILLED AROUND THE BUILDING. SHE SAW ARCHES AND WORLDS IN ROOMS. SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE SAW. THEY MADE THEIR WAY UP NARROW STAIRS TO THE THIRTY THIRD FLOOR TO LOOK OUT. SHE SAW HER SCHOOL. HER DREAM LAYING OUT BEFORE HER BESIDE SOMEONE SHE KNEW SHE CARED FOR. STUNNED SILENT DESCRIBES THE REST OF THE EVENING FOR HER.
BOUND FORWARD TO FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. A HEAVY BLANKET OF SNOW GLEAMS ON THE GROUND. THEY DRINK MALT LIQUOR FROM TEA CUPS. HE REVEALS HIS DESIRE FOR SOMEONE ELSE. USUALLY SHE WOULD JUST PRETEND NOT TO CARE BUT THE COLT 45 HAD GIVEN HER FALSE CONFIDENCE. SHE LOOKED AT HIS EYES. THE WORDS, " but i like you..." ISSUED QUIETLY FROM HER BARELY PARTED LIPS. HE TOOK HER HANDS AND TOLD HER WORDS THAT SHE WAS MORE THAN FAMILIAR WITH EXCEPT THAT HE SAID THEM IN A NEW WAY. "I LOVE YOU AS A FRIEND." IT WAS THE ILOVEYOU PART MADE HER BREATH CATCH. HE TOLD HER HIS DARKEST SECRETS. SHE UNEARTHS ONE OF HER MORE PAINFUL MEMORIES. SHE LEAVES THE REST BURIED. SHE WANTS HIM TO SEE HER AS HAPPY AND LOVING. THEY ARE TAKEN TO A STORE. AFTER A NIGHT OF SO MUCH TRUTH SHE NEEDED A CIGARETTE. SHE HAS HIM CHOOSE THE LUCKY ONE. HE WAITS OUTSIDE WHILE SHE SMOKES IN THE SNOW. IN THE BACK SEAT THEY HELD HANDS. WHEN HE ASKED HER WHERE SHE WANTED TO SLEEP SHE BOLDLY REPLIED, "Next To You."
"I WAS HOPING YOU'D SAY THAT." SHE SMILED.
THEY LAID TOGETHER IN A SINGULAR SLEEPING BAG. INSIDE OF A NOOK THAT KEPT THEM COZY. HE PUT HIS HANDS IN HER HAIR AS SHE CURLED INTO HIM. THIS WAS ALL SHE WANTED: HE HADN'T LIED. HE DID LOVE HER.
HURDLE FORWARD TO A PARKING GARAGE. SHE IS SITTING ON HER KNEES ON THE OIL STAINED CEMENT. QUIVERING OUT OF HER COMES, "...you will fuck me over...everyone at some point does...." HE SAT ON THE FILTHY GROUND NEXT TO HER AND SAID, "I LOVE YOU. I WON'T EVER FUCK YOU OVER. DO NOT WORRY." SHE BELIEVED EVERY WORD.
WELCOME TO A PILLOW OVER HER FACE. SHE COUNTS THE SECONDS UNTIL SHE FEELS LIKE SHE IS DRIFTING. SHE TAPS HIS THIGH. HE STOPS AND YELLS, "MY TURN." SHE READJUSTS AND CLIMBS ON TOP OF HIM. SOMETHING THAT IS NOW NORMAL FOR THEM. SHE PUTS THE PILLOW TO HIS FACE. SHE IS TERRIFIED SHE WILL ACCIDENTALLY KILL HIM. SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE WOULD DO WITHOUT HIM. IT WAS AN IRRATIONAL THOUGHT. HE SQUEEZED HER THIGH AND SHE RAISED THE PILLOW. SHE CONGRATULATES HIM ON HIS TIME AND PLACES THE PILLOW UNDER HIS HEAD. HIS FACE WAS INCHES FROM HERS AND THOUGH THIS HAPPENED OFTEN SHE STILL FELT HER HEART BEAT THUD. HE LOOKED HER IN THE EYES AND GROWLED. HE BIT HER LIP. HER EYES LOOKED LIKE DINNER PLATES. HER BREATHING STOPPED. HE RAISED HIS HEAD AND KISSED HER. SHE DID HER BEST TO KISS HIM BACK. SHE WAS SHAKING. SHE PUT HER HEAD ON HIS CHEST. SHE EXHALED. HE HELD HER. SHE FELL ASLEEP AND WHEN SHE NEXT AWOKE HER HEAD WAS SPINNING WITH UNCERTAINTY BUT SHE CANNOT STOP SMILING.
FAST FORWARD THROUGH A WEEK OF "COME HERE AND KISS ME'S" TO FIVE IN THE MORNING. SHE CANNOT SLEEP BECAUSE SHE KNOWS HE IS LEAVING. SHE IS EXHAUSTED. CREST FALLEN. SHE SIMPLY WANTS TO FEEL LOVED. HE WON'T STOP STUDYING TO TALK TO HER. WHEN SHE LEAVES HE BARELY NOTICES. SHE REALIZES THAT HE WILL NOT LOVE HER WHEN HE RETURNS.
HE LEAVES AT MIDDAY.
SHE IS COMPLETELY ALONE IN A CITY SHE BARELY KNOWS. SHE CRIES OFTEN. SHE WISHES SHE COULD RETURN TO HER OLD LIFE. HE IS HAPPY AND NEVER CALLS. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BOTHER HIM SO SHE DOESN'T EITHER. SHE FEELS EMPTY.
RING IN THE NEW YEAR. SHE HAS PULLED HERSELF TOGETHER AND IS HAPPY TO HAVE LIFE EVEN THOUGH HER DREAMS HAVE BEEN PUT ASIDE. SHE WRITES ON HER CALENDAR OF HIS ARRIVAL HOME. EACH DAY SHE GROWS MORE EXCITED. THE DOOR BELL SOUNDS. SHE ALMOST SLIPS ON THE STAIRS SHE IS RUNNING SO FAST. SHE COMPOSES HERSELF BEHIND THE DOOR. SHE OPENS THE DOOR TO A DIFFERENT MAN, SHE FEELS IT IMMEDIATELY. HE DOESN'T SLEEP NEXT TO HER THAT NIGHT. WHEN HE LEAVES HE GIVES HER A WEAK HUG. SHE BARELY EVEN MOVES. WHEN SHE IS SURE HE IS GONE SHE CRIES FOR HERSELF.
PLUMMET FORWARD TO
"I FUCKED A THIRTY THREE YEAR OLD."
HER HEAD IS ON HIS LAP AS HE SAYS IT. SHE LETS HER FACE SHOW IT'S HORROR. HE CANNOT SEE. SHE ASKS TO BE TAKEN HOME BUT HE WILL NOT TAKE HER. SHE IS SICK WITH ANGER. SHE GOES TO BED ALONE. SHE CANNOT STOP HERSELF FROM CRYING. SHE LEAVES IN THE MORNING AFTER TIPTOEING PAST HIS SLEEPING BODY. SHE BOLTS DOWN THE STAIRS. SHE WANTS TO BE AS FAR AWAY AS SHE CAN GO. SHE FUMBLES FOR THE CARTON AT THE BOTTOM OF HER PURSE. HER HANDS SHAKE SO HARD SHE CAN'T EVEN LIGHT HER CIGARETTE.
FOURTEEN CIGARETTES LATER AND SHE STILL HASN'T SMILED.
GO FORWARD IN TIME. THEY LIVE TOGETHER?
THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT REAL. IS ANYONE? WE ARE ALL SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM.
THE YELLOW LIGHT IN HIS SHOWER
KISSING HIS NECK
DARK SULTRY EYES
"COME OVER AND KISS ME..."
BEING COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE
A FEW MOONS BACK A WOMAN FELL HEAD OVER HEELS FOR A MAN. HE ASKED HER TO RUN AROUND IN THE WOODS WITH HIM. LITTLE DID SHE KNOW THAT HE WAS WORRIED SHE WOULD SAY NO TO HIM. AFTER WEEKS OF HIM ASKING SHE FINALLY WENT. SHE HAD BEEN IN A DIFFERENT WORLD AND APPREHENSIVE TO GO. SHE HAS SHOTTY NERVES. THEY HIKED. THEY SMOKED. HE TAUGHT HER ABOUT THE PATTERN OF THE WORLD. SHE FELT COMPLETELY AWAKE AND ALIVE WITH HIM. THEY WALKED AWAY FROM THE PARK AND SHE WORRIED THAT SHE HAD BORED HIM. THIS WOULD BE THE END OF THEIR NIGHT.......
A LOOMING PILLAR. THE NEXT PLACE HE BROUGHT HER. A CATHEDRAL WITH HIGH DARK CEILINGS AND THRONES. HE OFFERED TO TAKE HER PHOTOGRAPH. HER SMILE WAS REAL. THEY MILLED AROUND THE BUILDING. SHE SAW ARCHES AND WORLDS IN ROOMS. SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE SAW. THEY MADE THEIR WAY UP NARROW STAIRS TO THE THIRTY THIRD FLOOR TO LOOK OUT. SHE SAW HER SCHOOL. HER DREAM LAYING OUT BEFORE HER BESIDE SOMEONE SHE KNEW SHE CARED FOR. STUNNED SILENT DESCRIBES THE REST OF THE EVENING FOR HER.
BOUND FORWARD TO FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. A HEAVY BLANKET OF SNOW GLEAMS ON THE GROUND. THEY DRINK MALT LIQUOR FROM TEA CUPS. HE REVEALS HIS DESIRE FOR SOMEONE ELSE. USUALLY SHE WOULD JUST PRETEND NOT TO CARE BUT THE COLT 45 HAD GIVEN HER FALSE CONFIDENCE. SHE LOOKED AT HIS EYES. THE WORDS, " but i like you..." ISSUED QUIETLY FROM HER BARELY PARTED LIPS. HE TOOK HER HANDS AND TOLD HER WORDS THAT SHE WAS MORE THAN FAMILIAR WITH EXCEPT THAT HE SAID THEM IN A NEW WAY. "I LOVE YOU AS A FRIEND." IT WAS THE ILOVEYOU PART MADE HER BREATH CATCH. HE TOLD HER HIS DARKEST SECRETS. SHE UNEARTHS ONE OF HER MORE PAINFUL MEMORIES. SHE LEAVES THE REST BURIED. SHE WANTS HIM TO SEE HER AS HAPPY AND LOVING. THEY ARE TAKEN TO A STORE. AFTER A NIGHT OF SO MUCH TRUTH SHE NEEDED A CIGARETTE. SHE HAS HIM CHOOSE THE LUCKY ONE. HE WAITS OUTSIDE WHILE SHE SMOKES IN THE SNOW. IN THE BACK SEAT THEY HELD HANDS. WHEN HE ASKED HER WHERE SHE WANTED TO SLEEP SHE BOLDLY REPLIED, "Next To You."
"I WAS HOPING YOU'D SAY THAT." SHE SMILED.
THEY LAID TOGETHER IN A SINGULAR SLEEPING BAG. INSIDE OF A NOOK THAT KEPT THEM COZY. HE PUT HIS HANDS IN HER HAIR AS SHE CURLED INTO HIM. THIS WAS ALL SHE WANTED: HE HADN'T LIED. HE DID LOVE HER.
HURDLE FORWARD TO A PARKING GARAGE. SHE IS SITTING ON HER KNEES ON THE OIL STAINED CEMENT. QUIVERING OUT OF HER COMES, "...you will fuck me over...everyone at some point does...." HE SAT ON THE FILTHY GROUND NEXT TO HER AND SAID, "I LOVE YOU. I WON'T EVER FUCK YOU OVER. DO NOT WORRY." SHE BELIEVED EVERY WORD.
WELCOME TO A PILLOW OVER HER FACE. SHE COUNTS THE SECONDS UNTIL SHE FEELS LIKE SHE IS DRIFTING. SHE TAPS HIS THIGH. HE STOPS AND YELLS, "MY TURN." SHE READJUSTS AND CLIMBS ON TOP OF HIM. SOMETHING THAT IS NOW NORMAL FOR THEM. SHE PUTS THE PILLOW TO HIS FACE. SHE IS TERRIFIED SHE WILL ACCIDENTALLY KILL HIM. SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE WOULD DO WITHOUT HIM. IT WAS AN IRRATIONAL THOUGHT. HE SQUEEZED HER THIGH AND SHE RAISED THE PILLOW. SHE CONGRATULATES HIM ON HIS TIME AND PLACES THE PILLOW UNDER HIS HEAD. HIS FACE WAS INCHES FROM HERS AND THOUGH THIS HAPPENED OFTEN SHE STILL FELT HER HEART BEAT THUD. HE LOOKED HER IN THE EYES AND GROWLED. HE BIT HER LIP. HER EYES LOOKED LIKE DINNER PLATES. HER BREATHING STOPPED. HE RAISED HIS HEAD AND KISSED HER. SHE DID HER BEST TO KISS HIM BACK. SHE WAS SHAKING. SHE PUT HER HEAD ON HIS CHEST. SHE EXHALED. HE HELD HER. SHE FELL ASLEEP AND WHEN SHE NEXT AWOKE HER HEAD WAS SPINNING WITH UNCERTAINTY BUT SHE CANNOT STOP SMILING.
FAST FORWARD THROUGH A WEEK OF "COME HERE AND KISS ME'S" TO FIVE IN THE MORNING. SHE CANNOT SLEEP BECAUSE SHE KNOWS HE IS LEAVING. SHE IS EXHAUSTED. CREST FALLEN. SHE SIMPLY WANTS TO FEEL LOVED. HE WON'T STOP STUDYING TO TALK TO HER. WHEN SHE LEAVES HE BARELY NOTICES. SHE REALIZES THAT HE WILL NOT LOVE HER WHEN HE RETURNS.
HE LEAVES AT MIDDAY.
SHE IS COMPLETELY ALONE IN A CITY SHE BARELY KNOWS. SHE CRIES OFTEN. SHE WISHES SHE COULD RETURN TO HER OLD LIFE. HE IS HAPPY AND NEVER CALLS. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BOTHER HIM SO SHE DOESN'T EITHER. SHE FEELS EMPTY.
RING IN THE NEW YEAR. SHE HAS PULLED HERSELF TOGETHER AND IS HAPPY TO HAVE LIFE EVEN THOUGH HER DREAMS HAVE BEEN PUT ASIDE. SHE WRITES ON HER CALENDAR OF HIS ARRIVAL HOME. EACH DAY SHE GROWS MORE EXCITED. THE DOOR BELL SOUNDS. SHE ALMOST SLIPS ON THE STAIRS SHE IS RUNNING SO FAST. SHE COMPOSES HERSELF BEHIND THE DOOR. SHE OPENS THE DOOR TO A DIFFERENT MAN, SHE FEELS IT IMMEDIATELY. HE DOESN'T SLEEP NEXT TO HER THAT NIGHT. WHEN HE LEAVES HE GIVES HER A WEAK HUG. SHE BARELY EVEN MOVES. WHEN SHE IS SURE HE IS GONE SHE CRIES FOR HERSELF.
PLUMMET FORWARD TO
"I FUCKED A THIRTY THREE YEAR OLD."
HER HEAD IS ON HIS LAP AS HE SAYS IT. SHE LETS HER FACE SHOW IT'S HORROR. HE CANNOT SEE. SHE ASKS TO BE TAKEN HOME BUT HE WILL NOT TAKE HER. SHE IS SICK WITH ANGER. SHE GOES TO BED ALONE. SHE CANNOT STOP HERSELF FROM CRYING. SHE LEAVES IN THE MORNING AFTER TIPTOEING PAST HIS SLEEPING BODY. SHE BOLTS DOWN THE STAIRS. SHE WANTS TO BE AS FAR AWAY AS SHE CAN GO. SHE FUMBLES FOR THE CARTON AT THE BOTTOM OF HER PURSE. HER HANDS SHAKE SO HARD SHE CAN'T EVEN LIGHT HER CIGARETTE.
FOURTEEN CIGARETTES LATER AND SHE STILL HASN'T SMILED.
GO FORWARD IN TIME. THEY LIVE TOGETHER?
THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT REAL. IS ANYONE? WE ARE ALL SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM.
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